How could it be?

Things get thrown at me sometimes.

All up in my face. And I immediately think how could it be?

Today, that happened. His name was Josh. He was awesome.

Here’s the layout:

Eliza and I got up pretty early this morning. The house that I was scheduled to go clean got rescheduled last minute and so I had the thought that we would go surprise my Mom at her school. This isn’t out of the ordinary for me. I enjoy going and watching my mom in her element. Teaching, yelling, making her students laugh by comparing their poor listening skills to that of her deaf dogs’. And just to be fair, he really is deaf…and they really don’t listen.

Rabbit trail.

Anyway, when we go visit we always go have the “GREAT” cafeteria lunch and then we head out.  Today I decided to stay a little after our lunch date. THIS IS WHEN I MET JOSH.

He was the first to class. He came in with a gorgeous black woman who I quickly learned was his aid.  He was tiny in stature, but his little pubescent mustache told me he was about 13.  He slouched a bit and was repeatedly licking his lips because his saliva was obviously disobeying its boundaries. He also wore big, large, massive noise canceling headphones. He was excited to be in band class.

He already had his mallets out and assuredly greeted my mom.

“Hey Mrs. Musso! Hey Mrs. Musso!”

“Hey Josh! Are you having a good day?”

“Yes, Yes.”

Josh and I were introduced and he didn’t even pay attention to me. He was ALL EYES on Eliza. Luckily, Eliza was fearless. She walked right up to him. She said her usual “hiiiii” and gave him a great wave.  And then it happened, she started talking to him. He was smiling at her, but I knew he couldn’t understand what she was saying. The aid understood and started a little conversation.  BUT JOSH COULDN’T UNDERSTAND….COMPREHEND.

He just smiled.

AND ALL I COULD THINK WAS  HOW COULD IT BE?????

And for a moment I wanted to cry for his mom,

and hug Eliza,

and hug Josh.

But I didn’t. I just stood there and thanked my Creator for Josh and for Eliza.  How could it be? I am so blessed, and Josh’s mom is so blessed. How could life be this diverse?  How could the life that I gave birth to speak full sentences at the age of two? How could Josh not? ugh. How could it be?

I am a thankful woman.

I am better because I met Josh today.  I stayed and watched him play. He plays the drums. He was off beat the entire time. WHO CARES????? HE WAS HAVING A BLAST! (licking those lips even more). ha!

Thank you Father for diversity and connection.  Eliza made a new friend today. She like him because he smiled a lot.

And she smiled back.

 

 

Ears

We only had 3 more things on our list.

ground beef

detergent

garbage bags

Terry was pushing Eliza in the cart.  As we walked up to the beef area I noticed her black winter cap and her wrinkly fingers.  I love wrinkly fingers…I just do. My Meemaw has the best wrinkly fingers.  She followed me with her eyes as I started to make my decision.  I knew it was coming…You know, the ‘OH! Your baby is precious’…’How old is she?’…’What’s her name?’…’Is this your first?’  It’s the usual questions strangers ask a parent with a baby.

But instead she said, “Hi, your baby is beautiful.  I’m looking for a job ya know.”

I was taken back.  I mean, what am I supposed to say to that!?

So I said, “Oh…really.”

But then she started talking again and I knew I didnt have to say anything.  She just wanted my ears.

So thats what I gave her.

She has:

two sons-they both graduated from Catholic High and moved away to college.  Both are married and live out of town.

She is lonely and needs income.

She used to work as a receptionist for a dentists office.

Her last three fingers on her right hand “lock up” on her so she cant type anymore.

She wants to work in Walmart but she said “the floors are too d@&n cold”.

She wont get surgery on her hand because she’s scared it will mess up the rest of her hand.

That’s it. She told me all about herself, grabbed on to her cart, winked at Eliza and walked away.

She didnt want my words or my baby’s grins.  She wanted my ears.

 

NOT Mother of the Year

Faithful

Sometimes just showing up is all you have to offer and I believe God knows and sees that. But I also believe God wants SO much more for us. But if all you have inside of you right now is a “show up” then be faithful in that. Because the day is coming where He will FILL YOU UP TO OVERFLOWING. And all of those times you were faithful with your “show up” will make sense and wont be in vain.

Isaiah 30:18-Therefore the LORD longs to be gracious to you,
And therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.
For the LORD is a God of justice;
How blessed are all those who long for Him.

You see, He is longing to shower you in grace and compassion. So even when you are wondering what the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on in your life or you want to just give up PLEASE DONT. Instead take your little “show up” and be faithful to long for the One that longs for you.

It’s worth it because He’s worth it.

 

day of thanks

Thankful…well thats an understatement.

I dont know where to begin things like this.  Ya know.  The mushy blog post.

I have so much to be thankful for.

…my freedom-literally and internally.

…my secure hope and liberty found in Jesus-it keeps me going when Im most certainly weak.

…my husband, best friend, and lover, Terry Jr.-ugh, he makes me all ooey inside and is my favorite person to dream with.

…our sweet little addition to our Wiley World-ELIZA! She is amazing-in all of her pooping glory.

…a house over our head-not a hut, not a shack but a home-our home.

…we both have jobs that cover our bills and we are still able to give.

…our laughter and passion-T & I have plenty of it and I’m so grateful God gave it to us both.

…my legacy, we are here in Pensacola with my maternal legacy and I am so thankful that even though it is loud and HILARIOUS (a bit chaotic) it is amazing and terrific too!!

 

Lots more I just cant think of it all.  Today I am overwhelmed with joy!

love to all!

 

life in 3 hour intervals

nurse her. change her. rock her.

 

This has been my world for the past 5 weeks:)

 

T & I welcomed Eliza Jane into the world @ 4:19 PM on July 19th.  She was gorgeous and soft and gorgeous.  My heart was stolen right out of my chest.

 

nurse her. change her. rock her.

 

I knew these three things would become my life after her arrival.  I assumed I would get worn down and be stressed but its not the case.  Maybe I am fooling myself…Is this still the “honeymoon” stage?  I don’t really care if it is because it is beyond worth the constant

 

nurse her. change her. rock her.

 

Living, existing in 3 hour intervals has caused me to look at my life through a microscope-things have become a little more clear.  I have fallen in love with T all over again.  It is beautiful (I wish there was a better word) to see him with her. Ah! I hope she’s  a daddy’s girl because she has a totally RAD dad!  It’s also made me see that living a life wrapped up in things that will fade just isn’t worth it!  Money is tight-it’s always been tight for T & I.  We are budget freaks and we DO NOT spend just to spend!  What is “left over” goes straight to savings.  This used to bother me.  I use to think things like-Oh, if I could just have $30 to go to goodwill for some “new” shirts or a “new” bag.  What a waste of brain power!  God has completely provided for us.  In all of the amazing, intimate ways that only He can do!  He gently proves Himself to me over and over again!  I am thankful and I AM A MOM!!!!

 

nurse her. change her. rock her. INDEED I WILL!

 

 

Catch up

Lots of things have happened since November. We, Terry and I, found out we are expecting our first child and well…to be honest the blog world left my mind! I have continued to read all my favorite blogs, but I forgot about mine.  I didnt want to be that girl who blogs every tiny detail of her pregnancy.  You see, there is this dreamer in me BUT there is also a realist here too! I mean come on people…women have been doing this since the begining of time! They get pregnant, they may/may not get terribly sick. They crave stupid things like a Coke Icee and a Cucumber with enough ranch dressing for a family of 5! They smell things from a mile away.  They cry and all of the sudden have worse (yes, worse) road rage than before! You get the picture.

Ugh…enough!

Here is a bit of catch up over the last 8 months!

In December I made a job change from teaching pre-school to working the retail/guest care side of a cosmetology school. It was very eye opening to that industry and that side of the, to be honest, VANITY world.  Lets just say, it’s not my cup of tea. I adored taking care of our guests and talking to all of the older women who came FAITHFULLY to get their shampoo-set.  Could you imagine coming to a salon for 2 hours, once a week, your entire life??  I cant, I won’t!

My last day at the salon was this past Friday.  Baby E (the sex will be a surprise but both names start with E) is on his/her way anyday now! Thank you God because these 31 pounds I’ve gained are getting heavier and heavier!

In May one of T’s (terry) best friends got married in Chicago.  We saved and budgeted from the day they got engaged and it was so worth it to be there!  These two are amazing!  Kelsey, the bride, is the most LAID BACK human ever!!!! Which, in turn, made for a wonderful bride. As I got to hang out with her and all of her bridesmaids I would just watch her and think-AH! Ive got to learn how to do what she does!  Her demeanor is very inspiring! I ate it up!  Her mom was the same!  I am surrounded by the most amazing, CRAZY women ever and I love them to pieces, but being around these strong, quiet, confident women really inspired me.  That trip did a lot for my insides:) AND we got to stay in a hotel with AWESOME continental breakfast and if you know me, you KNOW I love continental breakfast with a passion!!!!

On July 4th T&I went with my moms family to the state capitol to hear the Baton Rouge Concert Band play.  It is a “Community Band” if you will. Seriously, if you play an instrument you just show up to their practice at LSU and youre in! Ha! It was fun!  My Meemaw, Pops, and Mom all played that night.  I cant tell you how much I appreciate the fact that my parents infused me with culture in music while growing up.  As we walked up, the legacy of my family was very evident! Younger musicians were bustling to get to my meemaw and mom because they had either taught them or had taught their children.  My Meemaw was the FIRST woman band director in Baton Rouge and she is just as cool now as she was then!  It was like walking with celebrities! I AM NOT KIDDING!! I was eating it up, but both of them were playing it cool. We all brought lawn chairs and bottled water and listened to the beautiful music!  All I could think the entire time was-WOW! I am so thankful for legacy…especially mine!

So come on BABY E! Come be a part of this legacy!

breathe deep….repeat

WARNING: this post is a bit raw, deep, rough around the edges if you will.

For a long while…most of my life. I have become accustomed to becoming what everyone around me wanted me to be. It has become very simple for me to “turn it on”. If you are a woman reading this you know what I mean. Oh, stop. Don’t act like you have no idea where I’m coming from. You do!

Sure sure, at times we must zip some things up in order to handle other areas of life or different circumstances thrown at us. Thats cool. No worries there.

What I am talking about is pushing down hurt, shame, instability in my heart and covering it all up with a smile. Being what other people needed me to be somehow made me feel “ok” with in my hurting heart.

God/Jesus/Holy Spirit was my Savior for many of the years as I kept this mask on. But then through His Spirit, beautiful believers around me, and an awesome woman I got to see a side of God I had never experienced. It was Him holding my hand and helping me take off the mask. Am I still in this process? yep. Does the mask want to creep back into my life at times? yep. BUT I am the daughter of a powerful King. Everyone and everything MUST bow to His name. So all I do now when I want to mask up (thats what I call it) is say JESUS! He can handle it. He knows I’m not perfect and He loves me anyway. Woohoo!

So, if you knew me, met me, had to deal with me in those years here are a few things you might not know:

-I might have lied to you to fit a mold that I thought I should fit for you.

-I might have manipulated you.

-I might have tried to “perform” for you within our conversation.

-I might have sucked up or stroked your ego to make myself feel like your friend.

Yep, I did those things. And at times it feels as if it would be easier to go back. But then I sit here and think about my hurting heart and compare it to my NEW WHOLE HEART! (goose bumps) I am at awe of the heart transplant HE’s given me!

Here are some new things I’ve learned since the transplant:

-I love listening to stories.

-Dancing is my outlet, when I am full off of a day of just “stuff” God moves me (literally). He slow dances with me. He boogies with me. We thoroughly enjoy it!

-My husband is the closest thing I know to a human Jesus. He honors me and cherishes me. (goose bumps again!)

-I really really miss Africa! SIYAKUDUMISA!!!!! (translation: We praise Your Holy name)

Finally, I would like to ask for your forgiveness if you are one of those people that I did those awful things to before the transplant. Many of you are still my friends and I continue to do life with you. Thank you for sticking around and loving me through the transplant!!!!

All glory to HIM!!!

anj

We were merry

Today was one of those beautiful days. 

It started at around 7:30 am with Terry and me waking up to get the honor of going to one of our new favorite places in Louisiana…Childrens Cup Offices.  We were so honored to be invited to this amazing mini Christmas Party/Breakfast/Meeting.  It was an amazing time with beautiful people.  When I listen to Mrs. Jean Ohlerking/Meemaw speak it’s as if someone has tickled my heart.  Her passion is beyond contagious and her JOY…oh her JOY!!!!! It makes me wanna dance.

If you ever get the privelege of meeting her please ask her the story of the open palm. It will wreck you. You will NOT be able to look at your palms the same for quite some time!

Pastor Ben & Susan Rodgers are natural encouragers and pushers.  Ben challenged us to not keep Childrens Cup the BEST kept secret in the non-profit world!

Everything was blissfully joyful!

We prayed, we ate, we talked, we listened to a gorgeous spritual song and WE WERE MERRY!

Above it all I believe God was glorified. thank you JESUS!

 From there we went to my parents house and spent some amazing time with my momma and my Ryleigh.

Mom is an amazing woman. I love getting to be on the front row of what God is doing in her. She shared such a wonderful story of how God is faithful to his promises.

My mom is a NON-sleeper. For as long as I can remember my mom was always up in the middle of the night or in the brutal early morning hours.  You could always find her sitting in her recliner, sipping on coffee, reading her bible or journaling. She would be so content in her oversized robe. Ah, I love that woman! She is a strong lady.  You see, my mom used to  pull the strength from herself but I have gotten to witness the beauty of her becoming weak and God shocking her with HIS never-failing strength. And because of HIM we have become close. The kind of “close” I’ve always wanted. Ah, bliss!!! I am so happy!

Anyway, she told T and I how she was up at 2:15 AM Friday morning laying in bed worrying. Her thoughts wouldn’t stop. She said her mind was thinking the worst.  She never fell back asleep, she eventually went to work. She taught all day and then went to church that night.  As she was sitting in the “small group” setting a lady began to give a WORD.  The lady said God told her that someone sitting in this group has been up in the middle of the night worrying and fretting.  The lady said, “You tried to blame it on insomnia…but I want you to know it was the devil who woke you up.”  My mom said she knew she was talking right to her.  The lady then said, “The next this happens I would like you to get on your knees and tell the devil, ‘You might have woken me up to worry and frighten me, but you don’t win because I am going to pray.’ ” The lady assured the group that this person would fall back asleep in Gods presence with no more worry.  My momma was woken up again this morning around 1:30 AM. She said she immediately remember the lady’s word. She got on her knees prayed and……

Guess what!!?!?!?!?!?

GOD IS FAITHFUL!!! My mom slept until 6:45!!! Amen, amen, amen!!!

Then we buzzed to Thibodeaux to eat dinner with my sweet in laws:)

Yes, Yes! We were merry!!!

Oozed out

My amazing husband, Terry and I love music. Especially impromptu style…you know…he just picks up the guitar starts playing and I hum along. We will do this until he finds a nice set of chords, then I’ll find a simple melody. We don’t usually right any of it down, or even try to remember for the next time we “diddy”. That’s what I call these times-diddying:)
When we diddy it’s not a big deal. Let me make this clear:) He doesn’t send me a text saying, ‘Wanna diddy after dinner?’
Ha!
And I don’t holler at him from our balcony about wanting to diddy.
It just happens! You see, we don’t have cable or Internet…which I love!!! We talk a lot more. We listen a lot more. Which in turn fills our house with a lot more LOVE, PEACE, and FREEDOM.
I guess that’s how diddying was born:)

So my encouragemnt to you today is to rid your mind and heart and your personal world of distractions and see what is birthed. It doesn’t have to be anything grand or extravagant but I promise it will be fun:)
All this to say. God is ok with us bringing him praise in simple things! He really does love every bit of us the “work” us, the “spouse” us, the “friend” us, the “serve” us, and the “simple” us!!!!!